I told him the Jays were a desperate bunch, which is cheddar cheese to a puppy dog in devil-speak. I gave him my hard sell. Cmon, buddy. Cmon, Sweet Lu. Our All Star-shortstop Jose Reyes, finally healthy, literally leads off the season by taking his first at bat, popping out, then proceeding to walk off the field and on to the disabled list. Maybe hes out for two weeks, maybe four months, maybe hes taking up painting. The team, left with a defence only Abbott and Costello could love, is even more desperate than when it was just known for jettisoning its best young talent for knuckleballers pushing 40 - he stopped me right there. He smiled deep and wide, his horns dewy with anticipation. He was ready to make a deal.Fine, I said. I will bypass my desires for fame or fortune or a game of wall ball with Lloyd Moseby and put my deal making skills to work for our boys in royal blue. So, fellow fan, you are welcome. Allow me to outline the exact details of how this season is going to go down (as hashed out between me and Mr. Three Prong, Son of Perdition).(Disclaimer: if you are planning to use this remarkably accurate information for gambling, I urge you to keep investing that extra money into lotto scratchers, lest we have a Back To The Future situation on our hands. APRIL (14-13 record, .519)The Jays whimper out of the gate, getting crushed on Opening Day, then lose 7 of 10, doing a bang-on impersonation of the mediocre team we thought they were. Thats when the cauldron bubbles and the thick smoke rolls in and the creepy carnival comes to town. What happens specifically? Maybe the entire Red Sox roster contracts syphilis. Maybe Derek Jeter becomes a clubhouse cancer in his final diva-tirade-filled season. Maybe Camden Yards becomes Marlo Stanfield turf. Maybe Tampa Bay management decides the empty cavern they play in would be better monetized by jai alai tournaments. Listen, I dont ask El Diablo how he gets stuff done, I just sit back and enjoy the results which Im assured come with no consequences. MAY (31-26, .544)Little known fact about devil-dealing: May is Buy One, Get One Free Month! Thats across the board, whether youre looking for life extension or to unravel the happiness of a sworn enemy. Why not do both?Truly, Beelzebub has little to do with the Blue Jay surge of May. The team plays a whopping 18 games at home, and with the city still suffering from an endless winter, the Rogers Centre roof is only opened once all month, a paralyzing condition visiting teams cannot physically handle (the technical term is "depression"). (Sidenote: I apologize for not asking The Crimson Sausage, Enemy Of Christ to improve the weather. The Cable Box on Blue Jay Way is the Bikram Yoga studio of stadiums.*) (*Bikram yoga is also known as hot yoga.**) (**Hot yoga is a thing you do when you are a 22-year-old girl or a thing you do when you are trying to impress a 22-year-old girl).JUNE (48-36, .571)Until mid-June, the league hadnt noticed the Jays ascension to the ranks of the privileged, largely because after twenty years spent ignoring someone, it is perfectly understandable that you might mistakenly walk past them in the hall and fail to notice the shotgun they are holding. But the Jays had now arrived, and their demands were going to be met, even if Barb in accounting didnt know their goddamn name. Josh Thole was gonna make sure you remember.We gotta give props to The Author Of All Sin, because he works the impossible this month. Jose Reyes is back in the lineup in time for his birthday (June 11) and his bobblehead day (June 8 for those fair weather fans planning to attend). To think, how many nasty critics said meaningful baseball would never be played in Toronto again in July?JULY (62-48, .564)With just a paltry nine home games on tap, our Blue Man Group must do their damage on the road, visiting Tampa Bay, New York and Boston. In a month-long celebration of Canada Day, our national baseball representatives do just that, proving Canadians to be fearless and capable. (Flipside: After witnessing the condition of our departing players hotel rooms, it is clear we Canucks may lack some respect for the environment. I believe the players call it, "doing it Harper-style").The All-Star break falls in July, an annual tradition typically partaken by Jose Bautista and a middle reliever nobody knew was on the team. 2014 proves to be no different despite being a dozen games over .500 at the break. Respect will have to be earned. FYI, did you wanna know who wins this years All-Star game, giving their respective League home field advantage in the World Series? Answer: NOBODY. Nobody [expletive] wins with a rule that stupid.AUGUST (79-57, .581)On August 11, Colby Rasmus turns 28. That same day, Melky Cabrera turns 30. The Prince Of Darkness promises me these achievements will be met and hes been totally standup so far.Playing every division rival at home this month, The Descendants of Alfredo Griffin enjoy their greatest month this century, forcing Vegas to recognize them as a team and set World Series odds. They are given 60-1 chances, though in metric it works out to a more sensible 18-1.(For those of you uncomfortable with how fashioned this season is by Oh Wicked One, Im not saying you have to worship the Father Of All Lies, Founder Of Murder. Im just saying, if youre a ball fan, you should probably send him a card. Maybe bath salts. Nothing fancy).SEPTEMBER (93-69, .574)A peculiar month of scheduling down the home stretch. Sensibly, the Jays visit every division rivals park. Oddly, they play the Chicago Cubs for an unknown reason my sources tell me may have involved money and bad judgement.2014 ends in a dog fight -- a climax of tension and emotion and games that are still a little too long -- all in the service of the Jays holding on for their first playoff appearance ever (in the lives of the children whose aging fathers drag them to the games). We did it! Were number 4 or 5!And there you have it: 93 wins. 1 wild card spot. 0 logical discrepancies. Is it getting hot in here?Gallays Poll #5Lets say we dont know what we know. With how many wins doth the Blue Jays finish?A) <70 -- I am familiar with the team. The win total will be commensurate with the talent level.B) 70-81 -- I dont pay much attention to the baseballs but have read a few headlines.C) 82-89 -- I rarely hear about the Jays anymore. Is Kelly Gruber still with the team?D) 90+ -- I dont understand how baseball works.
Benjamin Stambouli Jersey . The 23-year-old from Thornhill, Ont., defeated Germanys Benjamin Becker 6-3, 6-4 on Tuesday in the fourth round of the Sony Open in just 89 minutes.
Thiago Motta Jersey . Coach Jorge Sampaoli resisted naming any major surprises in the list published Tuesday at the site of Chiles football association. Chile is pinning its hopes on the recovery of Vidal.
http://www.psgsoccershop.com/default.1 Sam Stosur will meet Germanys second-ranked player Andrea Petkovic in the opening match of the Fed Cup World Group semifinal.
Remy Descamps Jersey .m. ET, CBSOPENING LINE — Colts by 5RECORD VS. SPREAD — Cincinnati 8-8, Indianapolis 11-5SERIES RECORD — Colts lead 18-10LAST MEETING — Colts beat Bengals 27-0, Oct.
Layvin Kurzawa Jersey . For the Miami Heat, that was outstanding news. LeBron James scored the last of his 32 points on a layup that put Miami up for good with 11.DUBLIN, OHIO -- The day didnt start off all that well for Graham DeLaet, but it sure had a fine finish. The Canadian and partner Aussie Jason Day captured the first point of the competition for the International side Thursday, earning a 1-up victory over Americans Brandt Snedeker and Hunter Mahan. It was one of two-and-a-half points the team from the rest of the world racked up after looking early on as if they were going to get slaughtered by their American competitors. DeLaet made his Presidents Cup debut by teeing up his ball on the first hole, only to be told the Americans were away. He sheepishly pulled his tee out and slinked back to watch Brandt Snedeker and Hunter Mahan hit their shots. Chalk some of that up to confusion from officials and some to nerves. In fact, a lot to nerves. "Ive never been so nervous in my life," DeLaet admitted. "The only thing I can compare it to was when I was proposing to my wife." When he did eventually strike his opening tee shot, it sailed smoothly down the hole and was followed by an iron to 12 feet, which he rolled in for a three and a 1-up lead. "I dont know how I was able to make a birdie," stated DeLaet. "Because I could honestly barely feel my hands; my legs were shaking." That lead was the only time Day and DeLaet were ahead on the front nine. In fact, it was the only time the entire International team was ahead for the first part of the day. As play unfolded, the Yanks seemed to make putt after putt and in the early going led all six matches. It appeared the rout was on. DeLaet and Day were caught in the U.S. thrasher. After that opening birdie, the American duo won four of the next five holes to go three up after six. The Internationals chipped away at the American lead, cutting it to 1-down but still looked far from comfortable. In fact, International captain Nice Price came out to walk a few holes in the match, saying later he wanted to try and dial down DeLaets emotional level because the Canadian was a little amped up. While Price was helping all he could, he got a big assist from Mother Nature, who decided to step in at that point. Just when it appeared things were getting out of hand, she dumped a storm on Dublin, Ohio – it seems to happen whenever theres a golf tournament here – and sent both teaams scurrying to their rooms to regroup.dddddddddddd Despite the dire situation, there was no rah-rah speech from the captain, no secret potions being quaffed. The message was all about biding their time. "Mostly Pricey just told us to stay patient," DeLaet said of the rain delay conversation. "We were all playing well. The Americans were just making so many birdies. I think they told us theyd made 39 birdies before the delay. It wasnt that we were playing poorly but we just couldnt seem to get any momentum going." That changed when the teams re-emerged for the second part of the day. After halving the first few post-break holes, DeLaet reached the green in two on that long par-5 15th, winning it with a birdie. On the par-3 16th, he hit his shot to a foot and the birdie was conceded for a 1-up lead. On the 17th, he had a five-footer to guarantee a half but missed the putt. When Snedeker made his birdie the teams were tied playing the final hole. After both Snedeker and Mahan missed the green, the International team had two putts for the win. DeLaet missed his 35-footer, but Day dropped his to ensure the victory. "Honestly I had a feeling he was going to make it," said DeLaet, who jumped and then gave a vicious hand slap to his partner when the ball disappeared. "I dont even know what my reaction was or anything. I think I kind of blanked out there for about five seconds. Unbelieveable – my hand is still stinging from the high five." "It was just a crazy day and I was super happy to get the win. We both played great – the Americans played great too. It was just a great match." At the end of the day, the Internationals were trailing 3 ½ to 2 ½ but it was clear, after the early scare, the comeback was almost as good as winning the session. The International team sounded pleased, or perhaps relieved, not to have been wiped off the board. Now it needs to try and solve the mystery of alternate shot, a format that hasnt been kind to it. The last time the Rest of the World squad won a foursomes session was in 2005. DeLaet and Day will once again be the first team to try and figure things out when they lead off against Phil Mickelson and Keegan Bradley. The betting is this time, DeLaet wont put his tee in the ground until its his turn.
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gửi bởi lw789 » Thứ 2 04/12/17 13:56 
